You know your own love language. Now what?

5 love langauges

You may have heard about the 5 love languages - right? The theory that each individual has a primary way of demonstrating affection for others - and, by the same token, what they need to feel loved by another person.The languages, as explained by Gary Chapman, are:

• gifts

• quality time

• touch

• affirmation

• acts of service

• 
  

For Faigy, it was a no-brainer. She realized immediately that she desperately needed to spend time shmoozing, laughing and just hanging around, with her friends, sisters... and especially her husband.

Armed with her new information about herself, she understood the underlying reason for a lot of the stress in her marriage.

The way it played out was something like this: 

• Faigy got annoyed that her husband wasn't spending enough time with her

• She complained, nagged and criticized her husband for not fulfilling her needs

• Her husband occasionally responded with more time - then quickly reverted to his old ways

  
  

Faigy was increasingly frustrated and was totally at a loss.

Finally, her husband mentioned something in passing,  that sparked a glimmer of clarity - and possibly a path to a solution. It was the end of a long day, and he sighed with exasperation: "No matter how much quality time I spend with you, it will never be enough."

Bam! For a split second, Faigy felt like she was peering directly into her husband's brain. And she saw with startling clarity, the unspoken postscript to  his casual complaint:"...... so why bother to do anything at all?"

Why, indeed? Faigy was suddenly struck with the sinking realization that all of her begging and resentment were actually having the opposite of her intended effect. But what was she supposed to do now? Give up on her relationship? Suppress her own (very real) emotional need?

Fortunately, Faigy learned a very simple solution that helped her turn the corner in her relationship.Instead of complaining when her husband DIDN"T give her enough quality time...... she thanked him enthusiastically when he did.

[Be Faigy's husband. Can you see how over time, this can reverse his attitude - and even change his actions?]

Think this method might work for you?I'd love to hear about it!