I recently heard someone suggest that shalom bayis classes are really unnecessary.
After all, you just need to know 2 words in order to have a good marriage.
I must admit, she as a strong point there.
And truthfully, if everyone did follow those 2 simple words, then the world, marriages, and all relationships would be a lot better off.
What's that? You want to know what the 2 words are?
Oh, right, here you go:
Be. Nice.
Now, you can't really argue with that, can you?
And if so - what's all this fuss about marriage training, workshops and coaching? Only for the not-nice people, then?
Well.
Let's look at some of the possible pitfalls, shall we?
Because maybe it's not so clear how to be nice when
he is quite clearly NOT being nice, or
he is being unhelpful, or inconsiderate, or irresponsible, or
you have already told him nicely what he should be doing differently, and for some reason he is not complying, or
you're being super nice by giving and giving and giving, and you wonder why you feel depleted and resentful
But that's not all.
Because it's totally possible to have a relationship that is All Nice, All the Time... and yet still be missing out on the emotional intimacy that comes from
being vulnerable enough to share your emotions and desires with your husband - thus continuously deepening your connection
showing your husband how he can be your hero - and seeing him step into the role of your knight in shining armor
demonstrating your trust and admiration for your husband's unique strengths - and watching him shine to meet his potential and reflect that glow back to you.
So, what do you think?
What other skills have been helpful to improve your relationship?
Interested about learning more skills to deepen your connection? Check out this article and this one.