Are you a frog farmer?
Um. Excuse me?
Oh, right. Let's start from the beginning.
Once upon a time, there was a princess. Blah, blah, blah, the details don't really matter, she kissed a frog and he turned into a prince. And then they got married and lived... happily ever after.
Really?
Of course not, silly, it's just a fairy tale.
Let's start again.
Once upon a time, there was a nice girl who married a nice boy. In the beginning, there was lots of fun and laughter. And flowers, and smiles, and special treats "just because."
After a while, Nice Girl noticed a dwindling supply of flowers and treats. Followed in quick succession by a marked upswing in Nice Boy's crankiness, impatience, and hours spent at the office.
Nice Girl wondered - what happened to my Prince?
And, for a while, sadly concluded that this was Real Life, and she might as well get used to it.
Until....
She mentioned her problem to her fairy godmother trusted mentor. Who asked her,
"But, my dear. Could it be that you're a Frog Farmer?"
"Um. Excuse me?"
"A Frog Farmer. You know - someone who (entirely accidentally, of course) turns princes into..."
(Need I say more?)
"But... how does that happen?!?"
"Well, you see, my dear...
When a man cares deeply about a woman, he is always looking for signs that she thinks he is worthy of her caring about him. That she believes he is worthy of her love, of being her husband.
When he impresses her, he feels great.
But when she demonstrates that he is a disappointment to her... well, then, frog time."
Or, in 21st century parlance:
"How did I do that?"
"Oh, I'm sure you didn't mean to, my dear. But there are lots of ways it might happen. Like...
Criticizing him when he doesn't live up to your expectations
Rejecting his gifts or offers of help
Micro-managing his responsibilities by telling him (and reminding him) what he needs to do
Complaining about him - to his face, or to others
Interrupting him or speaking for him
Making helpful suggestions or giving unsolicited advice"
"Oh, my.
What do I do now?"
"Fortunately, my dear, Frog Farming is rarely irreversible. Instead of those (tempting but unproductive) behaviors, why not try some of these on for size:
Appreciate all the things (large and small) that he does
Demonstrate your appreciation in an obvious and enthusiastic manner
Give him opportunities to be your Hero - and tell him that he is, often
Skeptical? Why not try it for a while, and see if he turns out to be your prince, after all?"
The End.
(Interested in hearing more about the Mashpia/Mekabel relationship? Check out this article and this one.