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Rochel - or Devorah?

You dreamed of being Rochel, Eishes Rabbi Akiva.

You were willing to sacrifice everything, everything for his learning.

(Well maybe not quite everything. 12 years away would be a bit much, I think. And sleeping on straw? Not by a long shot. But, you know, everything else.)

Ahem. Where was I? Oh, yes, sacrificing for his learning.

You were prepared for the late lonely nights, the chores and errands and carpools accomplished without his help, the scrimping and saving to get through one more year, one more month of him shteiging full time.

Only... one small hitch.

It seems you didn't marry Rabbi Akiva, after all.

You married the chevreman who delights in entertaining guests at the Shabbos table.

The entrepreneur who exults in providing for his family and sharing with the less fortunate.

The macher who gets a charge out of saving people from car trouble, heart trouble, and troublesome neighbors.

You've tried pushing, encouraging, nagging him to get back to the beis medrash.

It's not working. It never has.

And you have 2 choices in front of you.

You can go on being Rachel, forever mourning her Rabbi Akiva.


You can be Devorah, Eishes Lapidos.

Noticing his successes.

Building on his strengths.

Respecting his unique contributions.

Supporting his journey to actualize his potential.

Admiring him for what he provides - to you, to your family, to Klal Yisroel.

[With credit to the unnamed seminary menaheles who was heard to say: We spent all those years teaching our students to be good kollel wives. We forgot to teach them to be good wives.]

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