A Wife's Role in her Husband's Ruchnius

It's  the most inspiring story of a wife's role in her husband's learning: Rochel, daughter of the wealthy Kalba Savua, could have married any of the greatest talmidei chachamim. But she sensed that whoever she would choose would mostly likely acheive his potential no matter who he married.

Instead, seeing the potential for greatness in Akiva, the illiterate shepherd, she married him - on the condition that he would go to  yeshiva. Skip to the end, 12+12 years, Sheli v'shelachem shela hee, and Rabbi Akiva lives on as one of the greatest teachers of Torah of all time. 

The Medrash in Shemos, however, provides a crucial missing piece of the story. Because after they married, Akiva did not go to yeshiva as promised. When Rochel asked why, he replied - I am 40 years old and ignorant. People will laugh at me.

Be Rochel. You have given up everything: your wealth, your reputation, your father's love. You are destitute and the laughingstock of the city. And now this?

What would you do? (I'll let you fill in the blanks here ;)

But Rochel did none of those things. She put some dirt onto the back of a donkey. Planted some flower seeds. Watered it. And when the flowers grew, asked her husband to take it to the marketplace.

She asked him what happened the first day. He said, "They laughed."

The second day, a few new spectators laughed. By the third day, no on paid any attention to him.

And Rochel replied: "When you go to yeshiva, they will laugh at you. Eventually they will stop noticing. Is it worth giving up a dream of eternal greatness, for a little discomfort?"

We have all been taught that we are a partner in our husband's learning. But let's be very clear here: It's far easier to "want" a husband who is devoted to his learning... than to "be" the man who puts in the effort and time to learn.

A wise wife knows that nudging, reminding, nagging, comparing, pushing, and "casually mentioning," are not the path to a husband who is inspired to achieve his greatest potential in ruchnius. In her great wisdom, she finds the ways to inspire HER unique husband to reach the deep-down goals of HIS unique neshama. 

Want more guidance and inspiration? Check out these blog posts: Rochel or Devorah, Your Husband, The Talmid Chacham, or this article I wrote for Between Carpools.