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  • Alisa Avruch

Rediscovering the Extinct DMC


When was the last time you had a DMC with your husband? a. Why, last week, of course b. I don't know, but it was definitely before our first anniversary c. Ummmm - does the discussion about whether the toilet paper roll goes over or under, count? If you answered (a), give yourself a big pat on the back and go buy a lottery ticket - you're one in a million! But if you're like the rest of us, you probably enjoyed getting to know your husband , sharing your life stories, and collaborating on your dreams for the future... back in the good old days of heels, hair styles, and mini golf. Nowadays, though, you're lucky if you can squeeze in a 90-second convo to figure out when you're leaving to your cousin's vort and whose turn it is to drive the ballet class carpool. When I encourage women to try to find time to connect and talk together, WITHOUT focusing on family, finances, or kids, they often wonder... What will we talk about, then? If this sounds like you, don't despair. You can enjoy some relaxing time together AND deepen your relationship, by exploring some "getting to know you better" open-ended questions. No matter how long you've been married, you may be surprised what you will find! Here are just a few for starters (adapted from the works of Drs. John and Julie Gottman):

  • What are some of the unfulfilled things in your life?

  • What legacy do you want our kids to take from your family of origin?

  • How have you changed in the past year?

  • What are some of your life dreams right now?

  • What adventures do you wish you could have?

  • If you could design the perfect house, what would it be like?

  • What were the highlights and lowlights of your adolescence?

  • What was your proudest moment this year?

Wondering when to fit this in? Take a walk or a drive, or schedule an eat-in date if you can't get out.


You can write them down on cards or papers, and take turns asking each other. Or, just pop a question out of the blue and see what happens!


How might an open ended question work in YOUR relationship? I'd love to hear how it goes for you!

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