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Allow him to be your hero

Updated: May 11

This probably comes as a big surprise, but... your husband wants to be your knight in shining armor. When you give him that opportunity - step back and watch what happens.


A tale of 2 wives...


One winter evening, Avigayil sat at her computer trying to set up her checking account. Avigayil's bank had many fine qualities, but website design was not one of them. After clicking around fruitlessly for 20 minutes, Avigayil yelped in frustration. "Can't these people learn how to set up a simple intuitive customer process???"


Noam, Avigayil's husband was asked from the other room, "Do you want me to come and take a look?"


That was the last thing Avigayil wanted. She was an independent woman, thank you very much. She would figure this one out on her own if it killed her.


17 minutes later, Avigayil stifled an exasperated sigh. She hadn't made much progress. This time, when Noam wandered over and offered to help, she reluctantly gave up her chair.


As Noam got familiar with the site navigation, Avigayil hovered over his shoulder, keeping up a running commentary. "This link doesn't do what I want it to do. Maybe you want to try that button - it looks like it might be helpful. Oh, I didn't notice that page before - I think if you click THERE, it might do the trick." If Noam clenched his teeth and rolled his eyes a bit, Avigayil didn't notice.


Finally after several false starts, Noam managed to get the account set up. Avigayil muttered, "I would have figured it out myself if it was designed better. Thanks anyway."


"Whatever," Noam replied.


Now let's check in on Tzippy.


Tzippy  was trying to set up her create her craft club account..  After clicking around fruitlessly for 20 minutes,Tzippy yelped in frustration. "How am I supposed to use this website if I can't even figure out how to get in???"


Avrumy, Tzippy's husband, looked up from the other end of the table. "Want some help with that?"


Tzippy hesitated for a second. She knew she could figure this out on her own. Eventually. But her husband was sincerely offering his help. And she knew it would make him feel good to successfully work out her problem.


"Sure," she said, moving over so he could pull up a chair. She watched quietly as he went through the different options on the website. After a few false starts, he found the elusive registration screen, filled it in, and triumphantly hit 'submit'.


"Thanks so much for helping me out with that," said Tzippy. "It made me so happy."


Avrumy's big grin said it all.


One of these couples went on to have a delightful evening of shared warmth and connection.


Which do you think it was?

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Alisa Avruch

secretsparkmarriage@gmail.com

I empower frum women be change agents in their marriage, bringing deeper connection and emotional intimacy to their relationships through hands-on skills and mindset changes. 

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